I found this article on my newest addition to my blog, fark.com. (Which is a great site for random links throughout the web.) *Pauses a few minutes so people can read the article* But since no one ever does...basically the article discusses with stigma that straight men feel in going out with their male friends one-on-one, in a non-sports and non-business setting. Some of the men fear that people will assume that they are gay on a date with another gay man and how this is a recent phenomena. Men used to socialize together all the time and there was never a problem with it at all. I find this a very interest societal development, that men can no longer share the company of each other without it being perceived as a "couple". I ask the men who read this, or the straight ones at least, if they find the same thing ringing true in their lives.
Now I think it is easy to dismiss this as a logical extension of homophobia, while I think that is what drives a lot of men to avoid this contact, I think there is more to it than that. Perhaps what people are really afraid of is being judged by other's unfairly. I consider myself a very enlightened and liberal person, especially in matters of sexuality. I have been described by people who know me as "the gayest straight man they know". I take this as a complement, but I also do not want people to think I am gay...not that there's anything wrong with that (sorry had to do the Seinfeld reference).
The logic of this point goes something like this. I don't want to be perceived as something that I'm not. If I behave in such a way that does not conform to how a straight male should act then I am perceived as gay. Because I appear gay to someone then they also attribute all of the stereotypes and prejudices to me as well. I am not gay, but I have been judged by someone else as being something that I am not. To put it another way, it is not a homophobic reaction on my part for not wanting to be perceived as gay, rather it is me saying "why do you assume that I am? Why can't I act in a way that is contrary to yours and society's perception of how I should act and not have a label put on me?"
Perhaps I have delusions of grandeur but I like to hold myself out as an example to other men who feel that they have to act in a certain way or be perceived as homosexual. I feel that many of the traits that men exhibit are not innate but rather taught to us by fathers, coaches, and others. That men cannot show emotion, must treat women as objects to conquer, please insert any other characteristically male trait. There is no reason men need to act like this and they as individuals and we as a society would be far better off if they didn't.
But maybe I just want to have a nice candlelit dinner with my straight friend and share a bottle of wine.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
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3 comments:
Huh...I have certainly felt this situation and usually compensate by making sure to oogle the hottest chicks even more to make sure that everyone realizes that: yes, I am straight and I like to stare at women. Actually, I think this discomfort makes a lot of sense. I too am very liberal minded and have no problem with homosexuality, however I want to be identified for what I am in being heterosexual. The jist behind either label must come come down to biology. We ultimately want to find a mate and if we are perceived as not giving off the right signals to the sex we wish to mate with, then obviously our very biological existence and hardwiring are being pilfered away. I am sure the idea that this is a more recent feeling among men has a lot to do with social change, but it is certainly for the better in the long run so that people eventually will be less willing to assume anything and rather will be curious enough to inquire and strike up a conversation if they are interested. In the old days, just to assume guys were all meetings just for business when away from the wives was not the best approach either.
-jd
On further deliberation, we feel that the test of a man-date is dependant upon whether there a High-5s involved in the evening.
You bring the wine, I'll bring the lube, and I'll make a man out of you.
What the fuck's worng with being a fag!
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